Life these days is full of asks. Your inbox if full of donation requests. Your senator needs a contribution. Your colleagues are buying a present for the secretary who’s retiring. But what should you do when your friends ask you to give them your sperm?
You work in Biglaw, so odds are high you are smart, and that’s a quality that is in big demand for hopeful parents. You might even have a good heart and want to help others, or more likely an ego that makes you want to spread your seed to carry on your legacy. So it’s possible that you should say yes when the request for your pro swimmers comes in. But let’s at least walk through some things to consider before making your decision.
There Is A Right Way and A Wrong Way
As you might recall, New York’s No. 1 sperm donor is a guy named Ari Nagel. But while anyone who wants to spread their seed far and wide may be impressed with Nagel, Nagel actually sets a very clear example of the wrong way to donate sperm. To start, using the customer bathroom at Target to collect the specimen is a major creeper move. Second, giving it away without a medical professional being involved exposes Nagel to maximum legal liability. (Nagel himself notes that he is surprised he has been sued for child support by only five women so far.) So if this is the wrong way, what’s the right way to give away your sperm?
Talk To An Attorney
Yep. You knew I was going to say it. But don’t just talk to me — talk to a qualified attorney in your relevant jurisdiction. Know what statutes, if any, might apply. For example, many states have a “donor” statute with specific requirements. A common one is that a “donation” has to be completed under the supervision of a licensed physician. That generally means Target bathrooms are off limits, and home insemination parties too, unless your doctor makes house calls. Also remember that you can’t trust the person you’re donating to when it comes to child support. Even if you are 100 percent sure you can trust their word that they will never seek child support, their word doesn’t always matter.
In a notorious Kansas Craigslist case, a same-sex couple sought the help of sperm donor via Craigslist. The three of them found a draft contract that they liked on the internet. Everyone signed. Donation, impregnation, and child followed. Unfortunately, what also followed was the couple falling on hard times, and needing to seek public assistance. The state, in response, sought child support from the donor. The state argued that because the donor didn’t donate under the supervision of a licensed physician, he was not, legally, a “donor,” but instead the actual legal father. As father, he needed to financially support his child. The good news is that after years of appeals and fighting through the system, the spouse of the birth mother finally won recognition of her parental rights of her child, and therefore took the sperm donor’s legal place as the second parent. Good thing that donor didn’t donate to an unmarried woman!
Free Legal Representation
So the lesson is to know and follow the statute. While you are talking to your attorney, I recommend that you go ahead and hire him or her to represent you in a sperm donation contract. The good news is that you likely won’t need to pay that legal bill. Generally, in egg and sperm donation agreements, it’s the recipient who pays the legal fees for both their own attorney as well as the attorney for the donor.
Prepare to Be Patient — And Tested
It’s not just state regulation everyone to this arrangement needs to worry about. The FDA also has a say when it comes to the use of tissue and other body parts. As it stands, most clinics follow FDA sexually transmitted infection testing that involves a six-month quarantine. Although there are ways around it — like the donor and the recipients claiming they are sexually intimate — it’s a good idea to get the proper testing done, for everyone’s protection. That means being poked and prodded, providing a sample, and then returning six months later for more pokes.
Sperm donation can be an amazing thing. You’re helping to fulfill someone else’s dream of a family. So go ahead, if you think it’s the right choice for you. Just remember the value of attorneys, and that even Biglaw attorneys need other attorneys to get it right.
Ellen Trachman is the Managing Attorney of Trachman Law Center, LLC, a Denver-based law firm specializing in assisted reproductive technology law, and co-host of the podcast I Want To Put A Baby In You. You can reach her at babies@abovethelaw.com.
Ask An Attorney: I Work In Biglaw. Should I Give Away My Sperm? curated from Above the Law
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