Elon Musk Determined To Keep Legal System Aware That He Once Had A Cool Girlfriend

Don’t tell anyone, but Elon Musk is getting rusty.

The man who pioneered corporate PR as absurdist identity-based performance art used to have flawless timing when it came to distracting from bad Tesla news by saying or doing something crazy in public, making everything about Elon instead of Tesla. At his peak, Musk could twist a news cycle into a logic pretzel, turning a day about bad Tesla financial reports into a day about how Elon Musk doesn’t know when he’s at an orgy. 

But it seems like everyone’s favorite Bond villain come-to-life [via magic bong] has lost his touch a bit. We all learned early this week that Tesla is still not making enough cars, and only today are we seeing this ultra-Musky piece of “news”…

Elon Musk is fighting to keep his ex-girlfriend from being dragged into an investor lawsuit over the Tesla CEO’s now infamous take-private tweet.
Musk’s attorney, Dean Kristy, argued in a motion filed Thursday in a U.S. district court that the proposed subpoena of Canadian musician Grimes, who was dating Musk in August when he tweeted that he was considering taking Tesla private at $420 per share, is an effort to “sensationalize these proceedings” rather than a legitimate fact-finding mission.

Despite hitting a little late, we have to admit that this is good Elon. What we have here is a legal document that essentially says “If it please the court, we would like to enter into the record that Elon Musk was once dating a super cool famous performance artist who had weird friends and like ‘maybe’ did drugs (wink wink.)” It appears that Musk’s lawyers are most “concerned” about Grimes’ friend Azealia Banks who has told everyone that she was at Musk’s house when he was tweeting and that he might have been “Joe Roganing it” if you know what we mean. Musk’s lawyers are saying that he’s never met Banks, but they also make it clear that Grimes is cool and her friends are cool…and she totally did it with Elon at least a few times…

She is a “veteran of long and nonsensical beefs [having] feuded with everyone from Sarah Palin to Nick Cannon”; she “remains a Twitter villain even after being banned from the service”; she went on a rant on Instagram “that began as a delirious critique of colonial wealth and racial privilege, [and] became a vaguely eugenicist denigration of Musk as a caveman”; and she “has a history of making bold and sometimes unverified claims,” including against Beyonce, MonetX (a rival) and Russell Crowe. Published reports also indicate that Ms. Banks apparently claims to have offered Twitter’s CEO a form of “protection” from ISIS.

This is great shit, Elon, if only you’d given it to us Wednesday morning…

We could have avoided this.

Elon Musk wants to keep ex-girlfriend Grimes out of an investor lawsuit over his take-private tweet [CNBC]

Elon Musk Determined To Keep Legal System Aware That He Once Had A Cool Girlfriend curated from Above the Law