“I Am Going To Make It Through This Year If It Kills Me”
The song “This Year” by the Mountain Goats is a sad tale of a boy who escapes an abusive stepfather by driving away, drinking underage, hanging with the girl he loves, and then returns home for more abuse. It sounds like a terrible, no good thing, but the song is kind of uplifting in a way. It’s about patience, perseverance, and living in the moment, all while the singer makes some bad decisions. The “if it kills me part” is playing on the euphemism. But it also suggests the speaker is willing to endure great suffering. I have made it my mantra for bad times.
It struck me today that I have a lot of friends in transition. Divorce, physical illness, unhappiness with their current job, layoffs, economic hardship, mental illness, and some of life’s other hard challenges. I, too, have had to deal with some blows over the past year. But none of my friends and I are in law school dealing with these issues. Some students have no choice but to suffer through it and deal with law school at the same time.
I’m a big fan of the writings of the Dalai Lama. One of my favorite quotes from him is that “[t]ragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.” Tragedy can be a great teacher. It teaches us who our friends really are as well as some things about ourselves. If you’re a law student going through some of these hardships, there are things you can do to not only persevere, but also to hone your skills as a lawyer.
- Focus on the present. One of the hardest things to do is to enjoy the moment. You only go through law school once (I hope). These are times of great joy and camaraderie. Mark those moments well. Enjoy them. If, in contrast, there are times in law school during which you emotionally struggle, pay attention to what you are experiencing. Over time, great lessons can be learned from those times. Think of those hard times as savings in the bank of wisdom. Contrast this with focusing on the past. There is nothing you can do about the past (for example, last semester’s grades). Nor does worrying about the future do anything but rob you of the present. Focusing on the present reduces stress and helps you focus on the tasks at hand.
- Be patient. Patience is a skill that can help you through difficult times. It is also an essential skill in lawyering. The Dalai Lama view on patience is this: “The practice of patience guards us against losing our presence of mind. It enables us to remain undisturbed, even when the situation is really difficult. It gives us a certain amount of inner peace, which allows us some self-control, so that we can choose to respond to situations in an appropriate and compassionate manner, rather than being driven by our disturbing emotions.” In short, our own suffering is exacerbated by impatience. The greater our degree of patience, the better we are able to manage emotions. It’s a skill that comes in handy whether dealing with hardship, law school, or avoiding letting opposing counsel get the better of us.
- Be kind. Demonstrating compassion towards others is essential for one’s own mental health. It’s no coincidence that the happiest people I know are the ones who are kindest. You know the type: They are giving, caring, loving, and always so damn happy. It is good to practice this skill as well. I’ve encountered many lawyers who prided themselves on being jerks, but the ones whose skills I’ve admired the most are kind, patient, and therefore (to their opposition) disarmingly dangerous. Or as Shakespeare wrote in Henry V, “the gentlest gamester is the soonest winner.”
- Remember nothing is permanent. Whether you are experiencing joy or pain, sorrow or happiness, all things are temporary. Even the bar exam, although that seems like forever. For some, lack of permanence is a terrifying proposition. Our greatest joys and our most horrific sorrows come to pass over time. Strangely, that gives some hope, knowing that things progress. I know that which I worried about most last year at this time isn’t what I’m worried about now.
- Joy does not come from possessions, grades, or other external things. I have spoken with many a student who got great grades, got on law review, clerked, and then went on to be completely and totally unhappy at a large law firm. Saddled with student loan debt, a house that is too big, and a car too expensive, they are unable to leave due to the golden handcuffs. The ultimate lesson they sometimes learn is that we have been trained that we must achieve certain things to be happy (good grades, make partner), when in fact we already have that capacity. We all know incredibly unhappy partners who have “everything.” That’s because happiness comes from within.
- Get by with a little help from your friends. It is often difficult in times of great crises to reach out to others. But it is worth it. Friends and colleagues will appear in a whole new light. The true friends will appear, almost as if out of nowhere, to be there for you. It’s the universe’s way of saying you’re not alone.
I hope this advice helps you as you get through your troubles. It helped me to write it out as a reminder. I’m going to make it through this year if it kills me.
LawProfBlawg is an anonymous professor at a top 100 law school. You can see more of his musings here. He is way funnier on social media, he claims. Please follow him on Twitter (@lawprofblawg) or Facebook. Email him at lawprofblawg@gmail.com.
Getting Through Law School AND Hardship At The Same Time curated from Above the Law
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